QUEER CULTURE

Its interesting in the queer world to find a guy who isnt in it just for the shag. I am one of those queers and trust me when I say we are few and far in between. Most dont even care to know your name, this is how shallow queer culture is. Jonathon, my newest "friend", seems to be this type as well. We have gone on a few dates, 3 maybe, we talk to some capacity just about everyday. Last week we walked into work together which was a nice start to my day. Fearing that I may like Jonathon more than I should, I fessed up to liking him, that I fear that I could fall for him. Now I am out of a long term relationship and am not really looking for anything other than friendship. The saying that when you least expect it, it will happen, is sorta showing its face in my direction, and as much as I enjoy Jonathon, I dont want it to be like this. We were talkin about enjoying each others company, about being comfortable with each other. I confessed my feeling of, "was I just there to get off with you when we did the things we did" - to which I was told no. That he wouldnt have walked into work with me, if I was just a lay. There is some comfort in this I suppose. I think there is alot I need to learn about Jonathon as well, as he has to learn about me. He says he does think of me, I think random text messages, sorta proves that. Im afraid to ask if we are "casually dating" as I myself dont know what this means. I go on to friends about not dating, that I dont date, and then Jonathon creeps into my life.
Jonathon has the deepest blue eyes, to which he says haunted him for years - apparently being teased as it does look like he has eyeliner on, when in fact he doesnt. The nights spent on my balcony with Jonathon, were so romantic, but Ive started to pull away. I dont want to be the chaser, I dont want to be bugging him. It is nice to hear things, like he does like me and will definitely see me again. There is some comfort in that. I completely understand not jumping into anything as that scares me as well, and this too I fessed up to Jonathon. Asked why I like him...That is a question I can only answer with, "there is something about you" that is the best answer I can give as its the truth. I think our age difference shows in certain things. But in general with guys, there are certain things I dont care about. I dont care about your income, your clothes or your job for that matter. What I do care about, or look for in both friends and lovers, is genuine honest. So long as I have that with someone, it is all good. Should there be a physical attraction, thats just one up.
With Jonathon, there is a strong feeling of liking him, I hold back as I scare myself, but he has made it a bit more comfortable. Now if they are just words he is saying to appease me, then I will discover this in time. All I can do for the moment is live day to day as if nothing and see how this unfolds. Im up for the challenge, but like Jonathon, I fear, getting hurt. I cant go through that so early after I was dealt the worst hand with my last relationship, just over a year back. I am over the ex, I have moved on and thank god that Ive met some wonderful people since, Jonathon included. Lets see where this chapter goes, how it plays out. Caution at all time and walls up...